Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
