my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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