I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
