I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
