just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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