ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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