Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
