just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
