Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
