Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
