Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
