So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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