First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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