According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
