Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
