He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
