How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
