I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
