I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
