just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
That accounts for only three of the penises
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
