Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
