I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
