Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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