everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
