well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
