I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
