george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
