some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
