guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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