Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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