You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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