you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
