the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
did you just send me my own nude
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
