I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
