nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
