So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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