Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
