The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
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The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
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I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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