He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
