i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
