I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
