I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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