I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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