can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
