literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
