Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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