is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
