He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
