i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
