Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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