Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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