I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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