just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
