to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
