My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
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Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
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No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
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