OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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