Already got asked if we're dating
I cut my penus on the lid.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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