dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
