Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(514): View more from Quebec

just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.

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(347): View more from New York

i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning

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(586): View more from Michigan

Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.

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(831): View more from California

Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.

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(518): View more from New York

I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.

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(314): View more from Missouri

Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.

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