thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
