the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
