You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
