I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
