there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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