Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
