I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
